well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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