dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
