Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
