Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
