Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
