if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize