I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
