I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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