My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize