I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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