did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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