I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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