We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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