how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
