I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
