come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
