He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
