I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hippo gnu deer
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
