The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
