He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
