My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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