do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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