How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize