Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
smell my finger.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
