Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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