This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
