i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
