and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
