We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
