Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
