it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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