guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
