please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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