that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just invented taco cereal.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
