This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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