im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
