Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
