does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i think my cat just said my name.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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