Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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