how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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