So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
