its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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