You smell like a Billy Joel song
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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