My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
