I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
