You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
