I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
this is an emotional support booty call
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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