Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
