also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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