sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
