Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think my moral compass just broke
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
