Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
