their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
