Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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