just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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