Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
