yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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