NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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