i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
