I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
