Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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