My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
