the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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