During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
