I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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