My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
