I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize