I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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