Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
