I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
