I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
