I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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