I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
