Im at strip club and am horny
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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