I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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