She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
