Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
