this beer tastes like vomit already
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ladies don't puke and tell
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
