cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
