so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
